"Dont you ever awaken love, before its time!! Never!"

I read Song of Solomon's this morning, and found the core of my problem. I awaken love before its time, and all I get now is only dissapointment, and continuous sadness. That's one of the reason why I called my blog Kissed 'd Girls & Made 'em Cry. Girls doesn't only have this virginity tissue. In their soul, they also have this virginty tissue of love. I dont think I made this up, coz the following reason might come out right.

WE, particlary girls, are very sensitive. Once you broke our tissue, we become used. It works in the soul section as well. We fell in love, got promises that in the end was really meant to be broken by the one who made it. WE already give most of our heart away, and we get grief in return. It wounded our heart, and it damages our tissue. That torn piece of us will remain torn until the right one come and give us exactly what we need. It opens, it awakens what is not yet awaken in us.

I believe that God created love, and sex [and all that comes with it]for a beautiful reason. And that reason is not lust, or a certain degree to tell whether one is mature or not. It's suppose to be a special thing, a thing that when you enjoy it in the right time, all it brings you is happiness, and fullfilment. For those who already awaken love before it's time, will face [and dont be such a hypocrate on this one!], so many forms of depression, rejection, heart broken, bitterness, anger, betrayl. Then we will hurt others the way they did it. And the cycle will never end.

Movies, song lyrics, friends, etc.. sometimes gives us the wrong definitions of love itself. Wrong time signal, and it makes us got wear out before its time.

I admit, I've done so many things that broke my own tissue, and sometimes I woke up in the morning with a feeling of remorse and ashamed. I feel dirty, and so wasted. I might have love the wrong person too much, or NOT. But the feeling of rejection that I must face over and over, because of my actions, torture me down to the last piece of myself.

I feel so torn apart, I cant think of another person that can heal and give me what I really need. We've all search for love in all the wrong places. It's not easy to admit what you really feel.


[thanks to getunderground